In July, I posted a short article about the MK/TCK reunion Chris and I attended over the July 4^th weekend. It was wonderful to see so many people with whom I had gone to school as a child in Nigeria. The group was made up of MKs, TCKs, Nigerians, expats, and their spouses. (*Terms are explained below.)

As in any school reunion, we chatted, got reacquainted, and shared familiar stories of bygone days. On Saturday morning we had a large group meeting with a panel discussion from five TCKs/MKs. I was privileged to be included on the panel. The moderator asked us questions about our childhood overseas, and in my July blog post, I revealed my answers to several of those questions. You can read that here.

Below are four more questions, and the responses I prepared. During the panel discussion, there wasn’t time for me to share all of these, so I’m happy to express them here!

*Explanation of the acronyms and terms:
MKs are missionary kids – the children of missionaries.
TCKs are Third Culture Kids – kids who spent their formative years in another country and different culture. These include children of foreign diplomats and overseas businesspersons, as well as military kids and missionary kids.
Expats, short for expatriates, is an umbrella term that includes the groups of people mentioned above, plus others. Expats are similar to immigrants but different in that their intention is to stay for a limited period of time, rather than settle permanently.

The DNA of a TCK

1. Understanding that your siblings have different personalities, what is a trait all of you share as a result of your time as a TCK?

Even though some of us Jones kids are introverts and some extroverts, we’ve never met a stranger. All five of us are happy to chat with everyone we meet. Now that we’re living in the U.S., we’re especially concerned for the multicultural people who live around us. We’re genuinely interested in learning about their lives, showing we value our differences, and making everyone feel comfortable in the diversity that encompasses American culture.

2. How has your TCK experience impacted what you do for a living and your success at it?

Because of the instability of boarding school life, along with many moves to and from home, I developed many negative coping skills. I became hyper-vigilant and detail-oriented, which gave me a sense of having some control. Thus, for twenty years, I was a great administrative assistant, but those beneficial business skills were borne out of a dysfunctional childhood.

Now I’m a writer and have lots of stories to share of life overseas, rich cross-cultural experiences, thrilling travel sagas, and incredible life-long friendships. Many people glorify missionaries and MK life, and my writing shows the pros and cons of it. Life was challenging, and I’m seeking to find where God was during the pain. Over the years, I’ve learned that everyone has had challenges in life no matter where they lived, so my blog posts have a universal theme.

3. What was the hardest part of TCK life for you?

Without question, separation from home and family was agonizing. I loved living at my mission station of Egbe, with the other missionaries and national families. But I only lived at home four months out of the year. The happy times during summer and Christmas vacations were overshadowed by the specter of having to return to boarding school.

Because I flew away from my parents to live in an institution for ten years, I grew up without dependable relationships. The friendships at boarding school were challenging because we were all trying to navigate life without daily parental love and guidance. As I’ve gotten older and am reconnecting with those friends, I’m finding the relationships to be precious. I’ve also learned to cultivate long-lasting relationships with friends wherever I’ve lived.

 4. What was the easiest part for you (that others might have found difficult)?

Holding onto my sense of identity and belonging was essential. I knew I was a guest in Nigeria and the amazing country wouldn’t be my home forever. I’m the only kid in my family who was born in the U.S. and graduated from high school in the U.S., so that helped clarify I was an American.

But the actual process of fitting into the U.S. culture was challenging for several years, and I had to work hard to fit in. Now I’m living in the San Francisco Bay Area where my dad grew up, and it feels familiar because we spent all our furloughs here.

Egbe will always be home in my heart, and I consider my Nigerian friends as part of my family. God has also blessed me with close friends and walking partners in church and the neighborhood. We’ve been able to process life together as we raised our children, and that gave me the sense of belonging and of being “home” that I had at Egbe.

Link it to Your Life

Everyone’s life has had challenges and blessings. My childhood was spent in Nigeria, where my parents were missionary teachers for thirty years. What was distinct about your growing-up years? Think through one difficult experience. How did you navigate through that time? As you look back, perhaps jot down something you learned and a way that you grew from that.

Thank you, God, that in the tough times you have been there to help me navigate the rough waters. I especially am grateful for the beautiful people you placed in my path to support each other and journey together.

Teach me how to live, O Lord. Lead me along the right path … I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. (Psalm 27:11,13 NLT)