Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering … the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:4,5 (NIV)

“In place of our usual devotion time tonight, we have a special speaker,” the Dorm Uncle announced to the eager first-through-third graders gathered in the lounge.

After dinner, I had expected our usual Bible reading in the dorm in our pajamas. Instead, we had walked from the dining room, across the entry hall, to the main lounge. There we filed into rows of folding chairs, with fifty boys and girls together, facing the Dorm Uncle standing in front of the fireplace.

“Uncle Bill and Aunt Esther have come from the Bible school at Kagoro to tell the gospel story to the children of Kent Academy.” Then he sat down in the front row.

A tall, thin man took his place behind the wooden music stand and smiled broadly as he glanced from left to right over the roomful of kids. “Hi kids. I’m Uncle Bill.”

First, he told us a story from the Bible about Jesus befriending lots of little children. Then he said, “God loves us very much and created each of us to be his special friends. But our relationship got broken because the first humans disobeyed, and now we all sin and are separated from God.”

I fidgeted in my metal chair which felt a bit harder than usual. Yes, I know I’ve sinned. I cheated on a math test and stole candy from my friend.

Uncle Bill continued, “God loves us so much, he sent his Son to live on earth and bring us close to God again. I have good news. Jesus Christ took your punishment and died on the cross for our sins, because of his great love for you.”

Tell Me About Heaven

I looked over toward the wall at a painting of Jesus seated on a grassy hillside and smiling at a group of happy children crowding around him. I’ve heard my dad preach that good news to the Nigerians, I thought. My Sunday School teacher said the same thing. Does God really, really love me?

The speaker went on. “If you trust in Jesus Christ for your salvation, you’ll go to heaven when you die. There everything will be perfect, and you’ll live for eternity with your friends and family who believe.”

My heart glowed with warmth. This is what I want! Someone to love me. And to know for certain I’ll live with Mom, Dad, and my brothers forever.

The urgent voice reached through my daydream and jerked my attention back to the sermon. “If you don’t believe in Jesus, you’ll spend eternity separated from him, in a lake of fire called hell. But God doesn’t want that for you.”

A tall, slim lady with short brown hair stood next to Uncle Bill and handed him his guitar. Together they sang a chorus :

Tell me the story of Jesus,
 Write on my heart every word;
 Tell me the story most precious,
 Sweetest that ever was heard.

The uncle lay his guitar on an empty chair and said, “We’d love for everyone here to be saved and go to heaven. Who would like to place their trust in Jesus?”

Watching my sandal-clad feet swing between the chair legs, I thought for a moment.  Yesterday I cheated in arithmetic. I don’t want to be punished and go to hell, but I really want to live forever with Jesus and my mommy and daddy.

Slowly I raised my head and waved my hand.

Making the Decision

Aunt Esther walked down the aisle, placed her arm around my shoulders, and said, “Please come with me, Sweetie.”

She walked out of the lounge, and I followed her down a long hall toward the rear of the dining building. She pushed open the door to a small room with a piano, bench, and small window. In this musty-smelling practice room, she sat and patted the bench beside her.

“Would you like to tell God you’re sorry for your sins and give your heart to Jesus?” she asked.

“Yes. I cheated in arithmetic and stole candy from my friend and did lots of other bad things. I want God to forgive me so I can go to heaven when I die.”

“We can pray right now, and you’ll have a clean slate,” she said.

Together we repeated a simple prayer of confession, and I invited Jesus into my heart. When finished, the auntie smiled and said, “You’ve been forgiven! You’re saved and are a child of the King.”

I felt a great burden lift from my heart, and I grinned. “I’m so glad Jesus loves me, and he took my sins away.”

We stood. She hugged me tightly and her perfume reminded me of the tropical flowers outside the window. Then she said, “You’d better scoot over to the dorm. It’s past time for lights out.”

Into the Night

I scurried past the lounge, across the moonlit playground, to the first-grade hall. All the bedrooms were dark, except mine.

“Where have you been?” my roommate asked when I walked through the doorway.

“You’re going to get us into trouble because we don’t have our light out yet,” another said. “What were you doing all this time?”

I felt deflated. I wanted to tell them the story of how I prayed and about the love I felt from Jesus. That I knew I was going to heaven and would live with my family forever.

Could we maybe dance around the room and have a little party to celebrate?

But I was late and had to hurry to bed.

With three pairs of eyes on me, I turned my back, faced the dresser, and tried to shimmy into my PJs without being naked for long. Then I scrambled into my top bunk.

When the auntie came and turned out our light, I said, “I accepted Jesus as my Savior tonight.”

She didn’t seem to hear because she just hurried back down the hall.

I pulled the covers up to my chin. Tomorrow I’ll find Sheena or another friend who’ll listen while I tell the story again.

Looking Back

This was the gospel message my parents had come to share with our Nigerian friends: God loves each of us and has provided a way to live in peace with him. I now understood it for myself.

After confessing my sins and accepting God’s gift of eternal life that night, I felt relief. Perhaps it was more a sense of approval because I had done the right thing. But, in that moment, I also understood God’s love and acceptance and that gave me hope for the future.

In the years ahead, I held onto that assurance of living forever in heaven with Jesus and my family. I remained convinced that God created us, was looking after everyone, and that the Bible contained the true story of his love for and interactions with mankind.

For many years, however, it was impossible to integrate that knowledge of God’s love into my emotions. Even though I heard over and over that God loved me, I didn’t feel warmly loved by the boarding school staff or my parents, so didn’t really experience what that love meant.

Still, I think that knowing God loved me and wanted me to love others, eventually prompted me to look beyond my own troubles and learn to be kind to other lonely girls in my hall.

Much later, after years of seeing God provide financially for me in college, finding healing in the relationships with my parents, and experiencing the unconditional acceptance of my husband, family, and friends, I began to feel God’s love deep in my soul.

Link It to Your Life

How have your life experiences either made it easier or more difficult to feel that God loves you? Have you ever felt unworthy of Jesus’s love or thought that your sin and failure disqualified you from it? What are some ways God has shown he loves you for who you are, based on Christ’s sacrifice for you, apart from anything you’ve done to try to earn it?

Delving Deeper

Think of a way to tell your story to a friend in order to encourage them in what they’re going through.

Father, thank you that you care about all the pain I experience and that Jesus was wounded so I could be healed. Help me to know your love more deeply and share it with others who need to experience it.

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