Over the July 4^th weekend, approximately 110 missionary kids (MKs) and their spouses gathered for a reunion to explore The DNA of an MK. Every three years we hold a reunion for both of the boarding schools I attended in Nigeria.… and no, the reunions aren’t in Nigeria! The location alternates between Indianapolis and Dallas, the two cities in which the volunteer organizers live.

At each reunion, only three or four people from my graduating class attend. However, because they were small schools, I knew the students in the grades above and below me well. Additionally, I know many of the friends of my four siblings. Because we lived together as well as studied together, we were family, and the reunions feel more like a family reunion than a “high school reunion.”

This year the reunion committee made a few changes. Most notably, the organizers didn’t schedule the usual three formal meetings with a special speaker like at a retreat. Instead, they allowed more time for us to simply visit and meet up with friends.

The theme of this year’s reunion, The DNA of the MK, highlighted the common, yet unusual, experiences we MKs faced and how those unique experiences formed similar traits in most of us.

Identity and Belonging

The featured event around this theme was a panel discussion with five MKs responding to questions by a moderator. I was honored to be included on the panel. The guidelines were to honestly share both the negative and positive aspects of our childhood. In the end, we aimed to highlight the positive characteristics that resulted in our MK DNA, so that those who have struggled with their identity and feelings of belonging would come away feeling uplifted.

Throughout the weekend, two counselors were available to chat with those who wanted to. I’ve learned that it’s helpful to work through the painful memories from my childhood. Don’t bury them. A traumatic memory is similar to a porcupine quill in my flesh. It which will rip when it’s pulled out; but if not removed, will just burrow deeper.

I don’t recall exactly what I said, but here are notes I made, with additional thoughts as I write this today. Out of the eighteen questions, I narrowed it to just two for this blog post. Should I do another post next month, with a couple more?

Q: What part of your TCK experience are you most proud of or do you appreciate the most?

A: While living in Nigeria, I discovered that people are the same the world over. I gained an appreciation and respect for the backgrounds, lifestyles, and traditions of other people groups. This helps me relate well with the many immigrants and multi-cultural friends in my neighborhood and community.

I make friends quickly, enjoy cultivating deep relationships, and love hearing the life stories of everyone I meet. Each summer, I host neighborhood tea parties in my backyard to encourage the women to get to know one another better.

Q: If you could change something from your TCK experience, what would it be?

A: At boarding school, the separation from home and family was extremely hard. As an introvert, I didn’t have much-needed privacy, downtime, or nurturing from the house parents. Additionally, my little brothers were abused and were strapped often by dorm staff for minor infractions. Older boys bullied them–more than bullied–emotionally and physically. That terrified me. I lived in fear of doing something wrong, and my stomach was in knots every day so I couldn’t eat much at mealtimes. When I was nine, the mission doctor diagnosed me as malnourished. I failed to thrive in that environment. If I could do it over, I would choose to live at home.

As a result of those challenges, I developed empathy and compassion for others who are hurting, lonely, or marginalized. I love to reach out to the new folk in my church and community. I’ve found that many of my American friends also had trauma in their childhood or adulthood and somehow that comforts me, knowing it wasn’t just TCKs who struggled. Additionally, I’ve reconnected with friends from my youth and with TCKs around the world for support, affirmation, and healing together. My writing is cathartic, and I use it to share the truth of what happened and to help others realize they’re not alone.

What I Know Now

Along with ministering to those on the fringes, I’m learning to confront cultural Christian ideas that are misconstrued from God’s Word. I’m starting to trust that God truly loves me, even though people sin against me. God was with me through every moment of my childhood. He hated the wrongs others did to me and never excused them – in fact, he judged them.  What a relief to learn my healing reunion with God doesn’t come from excusing away sin and putting on a smile.

The Joys of a Reunion

It was wonderful to be able to hear from others about the challenges they faced and how they overcame them. The DNA of an MK (& TCK) was a great theme and got me thinking of both the positives and negatives of my upbringing and how they shaped me. I found many things for which to be grateful, most importantly, the life-long friendships I made.

Link it to Your Life

What thoughts do you have about reunions in general? When is your next school or family reunion likely to be? If you are unsure about attending, what classmate (or cousin) can you reach out to and perhaps attend together? What might be keeping you from a reunion with God?

Heavenly Father, thank you that you know all the stresses and successes I’ve had in my life. You upheld me through each challenge, and I’m grateful you always will.