Where Can I Find Satisfaction?
While living in a boarding school for ten years as a child and youth, I developed many necessary coping mechanisms. They got me through hours of loneliness, confusion, and grief.
With the threat of a bad report card being sent home to my parents at the end of each term, I was motivated to measure up in my classes. At Kent Academy, I also got a Dorm Report Card covering my attitudes and actions throughout the day. Each week I could earn a merit or a demerit, which brought either reward or punishment. Therefore, I worked hard, and I carefully considered everything I said and did.
That hyper-vigilant work ethic helped me to accomplish a lot during my adult life but left me feeling unsatisfied at the end of the day. I had three kids, a part-time job, and a husband whose flying career took him away from home every week. So, I kept busy
However, I found that getting lots of work done didn’t necessarily bring satisfaction. Even if I did everything with excellence, there was always fear: Did I earn a merit or a demerit today? Fun activities didn’t bring me joy because I knew the relaxation would end, and all too soon, the merry-go-round of work would begin again.
At the end of one particularly long day, I lay in bed rehashing the happenings and mentally going over my list for the next day.
A Lightbulb Moment
Then I had a flash of insight. I realized since I was doing what needed to be done, I was doing what God wanted me to do. I thought about God’s care for me and his help as I worked through each day. A surprising sense of comfort covered me like a warm, cozy blanket.
At that moment, I understood the difference between having the fear of the Lord (which encompasses awe of how he leads and sustains me) as opposed to fear that comes from earthly pressures. It was only God who could give me satisfaction. Completing my tasks didn’t bring relief, but as I focused on God’s love, grace, and forgiveness, I felt peace.
Looking back, I can see God was with me all through my lonely years in boarding school. He gave me great friends then who are like sisters to me now. Today He’s constantly with me, showing His love through my dear family and wonderful friends who support me in mundane and messy times and celebrate the magnificent moments
Father, thank you that I can trust in your grace to bring me satisfaction day in and day out. Help me to truly rely on you alone for affirmation. Amen.
The fear of the LORD leads to life, and he who has it will abide in satisfaction.
(Proverbs 19:33a NKJV)
To find out more about how I came to live in a missionary boarding school for ten years, click here.
18 thoughts on “Where Can I Find Satisfaction?”
That teacher looks a lot like me. I also had a blue dress, taught Grade 3 (at Hillcrest), and I have a son named Wiebe!
How fun to know this, Fran! There are several coincidences between you and Edna Wiebe in this photo. How many years did you teach at Hillcrest? I only attended Sep 74 – Jun 76 (grades ten and eleven). I enjoyed that time at Hillcrest.
Edna taught there for 12 years.
Yes, she did. Before she married you. She was a wonderful teacher.
This post really struck a chord with me. I can relate to, as a child, being focused and somewhat driven by performance and achievements. I always did well (academically speaking) and I think that served to keep the ‘hard work’ merry go round going, as you referred to it. I eventually found myself dissatisfied with where my teaching career had taken me however, and though it was a round about lesson and I still have a heart for teaching, I have learned that a job or career in itself isn’t what satisfies me. Thank you so much for this insightful comment- since I am doing what needs to be done, I am doing what God wants me to do! That really helps put into words what I have recently gone through as well, balancing several small part-time jobs, my writing, husband and dogs! It seems a whirlwind still some days but, the peace you have found I have also found. Now I just need the courage to share it with others!
Yes, Tanis! You are finding the courage to share it with others through your writing. I’ll be praying you can continue forward in that journey. Thanks for sharing how you were on the merry-go-round of performance and achievement but have since fond peace. And you’ve found balance, even though you have so much going on.
As always, insightful!!
I can spend too much time questioning whether or not I’m happy, joyful, accomplished enough….at the end of the day I find myself looking at the restrictions I had that day healthwise, and being glad for whatever I was able to do—and that’s satisfying. And Enough.
What a great thing you do… consider your health restrictions and then feel grateful for what you were able to do. And find satisfaction in that! That really ties into what I’ve been learning and encourages me to keep it up. Thanks, my Friend.
Whether they were a MK or not, I think many people will resonate with this post. I think that for many, this struggle to focus on God’s love instead of measuring ourselves with the world’s measuring stick is a life-long journey. Thank you for this post and timely reminder.
You and I are very similar and I love to hear your thoughts. It’s a great reminder that not just MKs struggle with measuring ourselves against others instead of focusing on God’s love. That helps me to put my struggles into perspective.
I wonder if all of us former MKs struggle with our performance worth in some way. For me it comes and goes. Ultimately, it takes me to my quiet place with Jesus. And that’s very good.
Thank you for another excellent writing. 🥰
I appreciate you sharing that you and so many others struggle with performance worth too. And I love how you explain that it takes you to your quiet place with Jesus. I think that is the main goal for suffering, isn’t it?! And it’s a good reminder that that’s where I should go because I don’t always end up there. Thanks so much for this.
Hi Debbie
You continue to have such amazing stories that all of us can relate to, in one way or another. It touches my heart to know how God has used you to minister to the needs of others through your own experiences.
You are doing a wonderful work for the Lord and for all of us who read you stories.
Your encouragement means so much to me, Mary! Thanks so much for being such a strong support and inspiration for me ever since I started writing my childhood stories.
“Fear of God”: The Awesome reverence of God, and the wonder of how He works and protects us “Fear of man”: the stressors put upon us by the world, and the insecurities of pride, sin, and the need to please people
I always gain so much from your stories, and from the godly principles that you have learned and pass on to us through them. I would love to use them in my own teaching in the future. I would fully credit you, of course.
Love and blessings to you always, our dear sister.
Remi, I love how you defined fear of God and fear of man. That is so true. Yes, please feel free to use anything you’ve learned from my stories. And I would love to use what I’ve learned from you! It’s so great to connect with you here, Sister.
What a great and helpful lesson for all of us. Thanks, Debbie!
Thank you so much for your encouragement, as always. Love you!